Why my husband is a better person than I am...

 

When I was young I often heard people refer to their spouse as their “better half.”  It was more often spoken by husbands of their wives and I guess I assumed it was something to do with the “helpmate” concept.  Now, as I am completing only 8 months of marriage I have a different understanding of Jun being my “better half.”

I have found that I am brought to tears and anger when I see our water source is quite literally dirty.  The same can happen when my kitchen counter or living room floor is invaded with ants.  Or even when I see people building grand houses when we are needing to loan them money or giving them rice so they can eat, but I’m sitting in a house that is leaking and ill equipped for the modern conveniences of life.  Jun on the other hand can just let it roll off his back like water off a duck.

I’m frustrated when I can’t do the “work” of teaching English like I came here to do.  Even though it’s because of Covid and all that implies, I still feel like I’m letting down my financial supporters and God but not having those regular classes and ministry opportunities.  Jun on the other hand says things like, “I don’t want to rush it just to have it our way and end up hurting people.”

I think of being a missionary as hosting Bible studies, preaching, and showing people the path to God.  When I asked Jun what it means to him that we are missionaries he said it was even about doing the things that sustain life like growing crops.

Now, I know Jun is not perfect.  I didn’t need 8 months of engagement and 8 months of marriage to know that.  He is a human being not God so it is a given that he is not perfect.  But in the last year and a half I have learned that he is a much better person than I am.  Jun is slow to get involved because he is afraid of hurting people.  I’m slow to get involved because I’m afraid there won’t be enough resources to support us and them.

In case you haven’t figured out why he is a better person than I am let me spell it out...

1. I have more concern for us and he has more concern for others.
2. I am afraid of failing my fellow man and he is afraid of failing God.
3. I am focused on making sure the resources are there for the future and he is focused on making use of what we already have to help others now.
4. My main emotion seems to be fear and his seems to be love.

Right now I am struggling with feeling like I’m a horrible human being.  I know it’s not true and Satan is just trying to get me down, but the struggle exists.  It is not something that will be easily overcome, but with our God and the man he has provided as my husband I will survive and even one day thrive again.  I need to refocus on the FACT that my worth is not in what I do, but who I am in Christ.

Need some encouragement yourself?  Be reminded of God’s mercy, grace and love in Romans 12.